How to Deal with Unpleasant Feelings: Embracing the Portal to Presence

How to Deal with Unpleasant Feelings: Embracing the Portal to Presence

Uncomfortable feelings—whether they are fear, shame, guilt, loneliness, or anger—are often seen as obstacles to avoid. But what if we had the tools and confidence to view them differently? In my personal life and clinical practice, I have come to realize that these uncomfortable emotions can be portals to presence.

They offer an opportunity to become fully aware and awake in the present moment. This shift in perspective can lead to the transformation of these unpleasant emotions, allowing us to move from resistance to receptivity and ultimately connect to our true selves.

Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” from an unconscious, victim mindset, we can shift to a conscious, accountable, and responsible mindset, asking, “Why is this happening for me?” This subtle but powerful change in perspective empowers us to see challenges as opportunities for growth and transformation, leading to a deeper connection with our inner strength.

The Excitement in Uncomfortable Feelings

For me, there’s even a sense of excitement when I experience these uncomfortable feelings. Why? Because I see them as invitations to become fully present. These emotions are not barriers but opportunities to pause, notice, and engage with what’s happening right now. By becoming fully present, I’ve found that these feelings can be digested and transformed—resistance drops, and receptivity flows.

The tools I provide in our sessions are designed to help you develop “mastery” over your emotions, which builds your emotional resilience and, in turn, boosts your confidence. Your confidence comes from your ability (using the conscious work tools) to handle uncomfortable feelings. As a result, your life has more flow and receptivity as you confidently know that you can manage these feelings in seconds to minutes. The combination of flow, receptivity, and confidence feels pleasant.

This process of transformation is what makes uncomfortable feelings a gateway to something deeper. When you are fully present to what is and noticing your unpleasant feelings, the resistance drops, and you experience relief and peace. In Chinese medicine, this resistance is often referred to as Qi stagnation, which does not feel good. When you are fully present, the Qi flows freely, and you experience a sense of relief and peace. When the resistance is gone, you can again experience your true nature of free flow and receptivity. It’s like tapping into your higher self, where you can experience clarity, peace, and alignment with your true nature. Free-flowing Qi, both emotionally and physically, leads to this “pleasant” feeling of balance and harmony within yourself.

To truly harness this transformative process, you must be attuned enough to lean into uncomfortable emotions. When you do, these emotions can be alchemicalized, digested, and metabolized, allowing you to be transformed. This ability to engage with your discomfort rather than avoid it creates a pathway for growth and healing.

The Practice: NAC Step-by-Step Process

In my work, I use “The Practice”—a process of navigating uncomfortable emotions in a way that interrupts the stories we tell ourselves and creates space for conscious choice. “The Practice” is based on three steps: Notice, Accept, and Choose Again (NAC). These steps guide you into the present moment, helping you move from unconscious reaction to intentional response. Instead of reacting from old, subconscious beliefs or programs that no longer serve you, “The Practice” allows you to pause and consciously choose how to respond. This shift is profound because your responses come from a place of being present, connected, and fully resourced.

With “The Practice of NAC,” you tap into your free will, giving yourself the power to consciously choose how you feel. Instead of being at the mercy of the external situation and the emotions triggered, you become fully present and empowered to shape your emotional experience with awareness and intention.

How I Came to the Practice of NAC

My journey to the Practice of NAC has been shaped by my background as a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine and clinical hypnotherapist, along with various personal training experiences, including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Psych-K, RTT, and NLP. I’ve attended numerous workshops and retreats, interviewed experts for my Conscious Fertility Podcast, and read books by esteemed teachers of consciousness.

One day, it occurred to me—this realization felt like an inspired thought came through me—that they all apply the Practice of NAC in some form. While some frameworks have ten steps and others have two, it became evident to me that there was a universal truth and process they all shared. This universal truth revolves around a change in perception and consciousness through Notice, Accept, and Choose Again, which ultimately leads to the present moment.

I also use this formula myself. I used to struggle with daily anxiety and a deep sense of insecurity, largely driven by fear of lack. I chased external accolades and career success, thinking they would provide relief, but each achievement offered only temporary satisfaction. Over time, I found myself in a cycle of seeking something new to distract or numb my emotional pain. Eventually, my anxiety became debilitating—it really interfered with my quality of life.

This experience motivated me to delve into workshops, retreats, and energy psychology certifications. I’m glad I did; I walk the talk and apply this process daily to stay present and connect with my inner healer. I also facilitate belief change work in my clinical practice, so I get to practice the Practice of NAC every day, which has rewired my brain and changed my subconscious beliefs so I am no longer a prisoner of fear and anxiety.

Step 1: NOTICE

The first step is to Notice that you are triggered, which is evident through the uncomfortable feeling(s) you’re experiencing. Whether it’s fear, shame, guilt, or anger, simply recognizing that you are triggered is key. Everything is neutral; then we give it meaning. The meaning we assign is based on the lens of our subconscious beliefs. Noticing creates the space between the trigger and your response, allowing you to stop before you get lost in the story.

When we fail to notice we’re triggered, we remain unconscious, allowing old patterns and stories to take control. Without noticing, we can’t exercise free will or choose how we want to feel and respond. Stop and notice because when you believe in the story, you make it real. Noticing is the essential first step—without it, you can’t consciously move into the second step of Accept.

By recognizing that you are triggered, you break the automatic cycle and give yourself the power to pause. This awareness is what creates the opportunity for transformation, preventing you from falling back into unconscious reactions. Only by noticing can you stop the momentum of the story and become present enough to engage with your emotions more intentionally.

Step 2: ACCEPT

The second step is to Accept what is. Acceptance does not mean you are resigned to the situation, nor does it mean you have to like or approve of it. It simply means you acknowledge reality as it is, without trying to fight or resist it. When we resist, we suffer; when we accept, we create flow and receptivity, and this is experienced as peace.

In my sessions, I emphasize that this is a felt sense approach—it’s not about thinking your way through emotions. In fact, it is our thinking that often gets us into emotional challenges. We are constantly making meaning based on the lens through which we view the world, and that lens is shaped by subconscious beliefs and programs. So, we can’t think our way out of these situations. This is not talk therapy; it’s a somatic approach. As a clinical hypnotherapist, I facilitate the Practice of NAC to prune old beliefs and programs, replacing them with ones that serve you now.

Michael Brown, in his book The Presence Process, beautifully sums up this approach with the quote, “Rather than trying to feel better, get better at feeling.” The accepting stage is not about positive thinking or spiritual bypass; it’s about being authentic and feeling your feelings. Or better yet, it’s about becoming practiced at witnessing and observing your thoughts and emotions. You are not your thoughts and feelings—your very nature is peace and joy. When you identify with the story, you are at the effect of it. When you accept and become present, you tune into your true nature of peace.

Lean into these uncomfortable feelings because they can act as a portal to the present moment. It may seem counterintuitive since we usually avoid unpleasant emotions by suppressing, repressing, or projecting them outward through distractions like work, substances, shopping, or other habits or blaming others. In The Practice of NAC, we give our emotions our full attention. We first notice them and then accept them.  I want to emphasize that accepting doesn’t mean you are resigned or like the situation.

By noticing the emotion without judgment, you create a space where you can decide how to respond rather than being at the mercy of unconscious habits. When you notice the emotion without attaching meaning or judgment to it, you are no longer at its effect. You can observe it for what it is—just an emotion passing through.

This practice keeps you well-resourced, so you can respond to situations consciously using your whole brain, instead of being reactive and hijacked by your reptilian brain. When you are triggered, you go into a fight, flight, or freeze sympathetic nervous system response, reacting out of your reptilian brain. In this state, your decisions and emotions are driven by fear and lack. But when you are present, you remain in a whole-brain state, where you can access creativity, empathy, and higher-order thinking.

These mind-body tools and techniques I facilitate and teach in the formula of NAC allow you to address underlying emotions and reduce the charge associated with uncomfortable feelings, making the process of acceptance smoother and more effective.

Step 3: CHOOSE AGAIN

The final step is to Choose Again. After you’ve noticed and accepted the emotion, you are now fully resourced to choose how you want to respond. This is a powerful moment because you can decide what to do next instead of letting the uncomfortable feeling dictate your actions.

I recall from Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now that when you are present, you can consciously respond in several ways: by removing yourself from the situation, changing or improving it, and if you can do neither, then surrendering to what is. This surrender allows you to find peace even in an unhappy situation.

In The Practice of NAC, when you choose again, you can:

1. Consciously choose to remove yourself from the situation if it’s not aligned with your highest good.
→ Ask yourself, Is this for myself or against others? If it’s for the highest good of yourself, then it is for the highest good of all.

2. Choose to improve or change the situation.
→ My default is to actively listen and let the other person know I see and hear them. Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it opens a path for connection and understanding.

3. If you cannot remove yourself or change the situation, you can continue to choose to surrender and accept what is.
→ You can be at peace in an unhappy situation when you accept what is. Resistance is lowered, and this brings peace.
→ When you accept the present moment, you lower resistance and tune into flow and receptivity. This allows for inspired thoughts to come through you and opens the door for positive change.

4. My default go-to is to practice gratitude in this step. Gratitude puts you in a state of receptivity. Remember, like attracts like—when you focus on gratitude, you attract more to be grateful for.

I’ve also found that the teachings of Dr. Joe Dispenza, author of Supernatural and Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, fit perfectly into this step. He emphasizes that if you want to manifest your future, you need to practice feeling the emotions associated with your desired reality now. This aligns beautifully with the concept of choosing again, as it reinforces the idea that our internal state shapes our external reality.

By choosing again, you recall your power and shape your emotional experience. For example, I once heard Dr. Joe Dispenza share at one of his week-long retreats I attended:

If you want to be healthy, then practice feeling whole and complete. If you want to be wealthy, then practice feeling abundant. If you want to feel happy, then practice joy and gratitude. If you want to experience loving relationships, then practice feeling love, compassion, and empathy.

In other words, your internal state shapes your external reality, and your conscious choices can lead to profound shifts.

I have shared a few more resources below to help you develop emotional resilience and access your innate peace and joy:

I invite you to contact me if you want to explore how I can help facilitate this practice of NAC with you online or in person at my Acubalance clinic in Vancouver.